Don’t you know that somehow, right out of left field, I’ve contracted pneumonia. I have never had pneumonia. I have never been this sick in all of my life. There is plenty of time to reminisce about your life when you are sentenced to the first week of bed rest after you have already feverishly been in bed for a week prior. Under my breath my doctor sort of evilly chortled, “You’re just getting warmed up!” I now have an even deeper respect for those who are chronically ill with debilitating diseases and cancer.
I am trying hard to stay down, because let’s face it–I am an utter bone head. I do want to heal up but my sense of determination, mental and physical strength to carry out what my mind can dream up, and the will power to complete the task is phenomenal! I’m not bragging. This can be a detriment when you begin to age and your body plays tricks on you. You actually need wise people in your life to guide you into safekeeping. That is if you will actually listen. Well let me just say that pain is an excellent teacher no matter what form it takes and not one I will soon forget.
As I lye in my bed, delirious from fever, exhaustion and too many meds to combat the infiltration in my left upper lung, my strange and imaginative mind began to write my obituary and plan my funeral. I reasoned that I didn’t want to leave loved ones guessing in their grief. I wanted to finish relationships well… leave nothing unsaid or undone. You know–cover all the bases so everyone felt loved and included. Boy, for the Queen of my kingdom I sure do have a lot of authority over other people’s emotions! I may have even reasoned my way from the coffin to the urn having not been a prior believer in cremation. I now know who will be singing, my playlist, I have written my own eulogy, and I have a few of my former pastors lined up in my mind to speak the truth in love. Ain’t nobody gonna preach this girl into heaven. I haven’t always been that nice. But thank God my entrance into Heaven doesn’t depend on how well or how badly I have behaved in my lifetime. There is One who already paid the price and you better know I believe it!
Frankly, I have been inspired to live a better life when I arise from this sick bed. Now this new plan doesn’t mean doing more, baking more, pleasing more people. No, this new plan means taking better stock of what I have been given, taking better care of my tribe, and even my own self. Turns out I’m not Superwoman after all. (maybe Elastigirl?) I seriously didn’t have a clue! I’m a little thick, highly dramatic, and an action figure. Impetuous at times perhaps… but in my lifetime I’ve gotten a few things done. Maybe they didn’t all need to be done, but oh well. My work here is finished!?
In the picture at the top, the baby on the left is me. The sweet, sweet girl on the right is my first granddaughter, Grace. The good Lord sure knew what he was doing when he sent that beautiful, wonderful, active, determined, humorous, bundle of love and joy into all of our lives. Did I mention how much I love her and am so proud to be related to her? My middle daughter stated so profoundly, “Mom! She kinda makes you want to live a better life! Doesn’t she?”
Isn’t that the truth? Don’t you just want the best for your children? And then to get given such a gift as a grandchild. I already thought I had so much love in my heart. Who knew there was room for so much more! (Construction Man says if he knew being a grampa was so great he would have skipped having children and went straight to being a grandparent!) I’ve since taken it upon myself to help him navigate such simplicity and profundity!
I simply want to say that as I look at that picture of me in my highchair, (obviously waiting patiently for some sort of nourishment,) and how many decades later there sits Grace in her highchair hamming it up, chubby and happy; I’ve come to realize that grace comes in many forms!
I’m quite certain my mother fed me that day and cleaned up the mess afterwards. Grace.
I know for a fact I fed my children and cleaned up the mess afterwards. Grace.
I have read in the Bible that God fed his children and cleaned up the mess afterwards. Grace.
I’m sure that in all of our lives we have been hungry, been fed, made messes and were helped somehow by someone to get them cleaned up. Pure grace. Unmerited favor. It’s just something you can’t earn. Grace upon grace. What a gift this Grace!
I’m hoping your experience with grace is just as amazing, challenging, loving, joyful, and enlightening as mine has been.
Oh to rise from this bed and begin anew. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. Grammy misses you sweet girl.
Thanks for going down the rabbit hole with this delirious, old-ish woman. My fever has broke, the coughing is subsiding and the antibiotics are kicking in. Safe to say I’m on the mend. Till next time…
Saddle up missy! We got a trail to blaze.